Santa and Banta

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta's.
By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .
The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same situation , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to their mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .

Wrong number!!!

sardarji#1 : went to kashmir officially and called to his house over phone.
sardarji#2 : had taken the receiver.
sardarji#1 : Who is speaking?
sardarji#2 : Servant Sir.
sardarji#1 : Where is the Madam?
sardarji#2 : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
sardarji#1 : What? I am her husband came to kashmir today.
sardarji#2 : What can I do now sir?
sardarji#1 : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, Till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
sardarji#2 : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
sardarji#1 : Open the back door, throw both of them into the well
sardarji#2 : I can open the back door, but how can i throw both of them from this third floor into the well in the ground floor Sir?
sardarji#1 : What...? Are you in the third floor?
sardarji#2 : Yes Sir
sardarji#1 : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!

One of the best

One rainy day Sardar singh was travelling by his new FERRARI car. He was not a very good driver and so, did not have complete control on it. Mike tyson was also riding his bike on the same road . At a speed breaker sardar's car came in contact with tyson's bike . Tyson got very angry.

He dragged sardar out of the car and threw him a few yards away from the car. Tyson then drew a small circle around sardar and shouted " Hey !! It's not easy for you to damage my bike and get away . Now i will be thrashing your car. You should stay inside this circle and watch me smash your car. If you come out of the circle, I will kill you immediately".

Then tyson turned towards the car and he smashad its side indicators. Then he looked at sardar . Sardar looked at tyson sarcastically. Tyson's anger grew and he smashed the window panes and then again looked at sardar. Sardar grinned at tyson. Tyson was confused. Tyson could now not at all control his anger and he broke the side doors and tore away the seats of the car. Then he again looked at Sardar. Sardar was laughing so hard that he could hardly stand. This time Tyson came to Sardar and he told " oh ! what is this ? I am spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it ?" Sardar replied " Every time you turned towards the car I was out of the circle and you did not notice it . I have fooled you. You are a fool .."

Weird sweeper

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11...

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Dry clothes.

Santa and Banta Singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, Santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.

Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Santa out.When the medical director became aware of Banta's heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Banta the news, he said,' Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Banta replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.'

A sardar joke

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered "No No Me Banta Singh." Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." (Translation ... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are relaxing here!!!!!)

Another

Herolal is driving with Bhola as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal may not be working. He asks Bhola if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. Bhola steps out and stands in front of the car.
Herolal turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which Bhola responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."

haha

Banta Singh saw that Santa Singh was very depressed.
"What happened?" asked his friend.
"Man, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday.""
"How come?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and
Australia was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But that's only Rs. 500, where did the rest go?"
" Man, I bet on the highlights too!"

Brains of an Indian.

An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan-officer.He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $ 5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's under ground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says," We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow 5,000?".

The Indian replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Cool joke

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "Honey, It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Another Joke (Rated A)

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

A Sardarji Joke.

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have...."

Real good joke. ( Rated A )

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this

Headline PREACHER'S *** SHOWS PROMISE
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ***
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day!

Hehe. First divorce related to 9/11 Tragedy.